Looking for a book on understanding your loved one? Or perhaps to improve communication? Intimacy? There so many books to choose from, I know. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Lanuages, and Dr. Kevin Lehman's Sex Begins in the Kitchen are two that immediately come to mind. Hands down, my absolute favorite books on understanding the differences between the
sexes are For Women Only and For Men Only. Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn do an
excellent job explaining the fundamental differences in an
entertaining and engaging manner that is respectful of those
differences, and also of men and women.
I am a big fan of self-improvement books. There are usually a few gems of advice, a new perspective, or insight to glean between the covers. Sitting in front of me is one such book I recently picked up at a thrift store. It's a popular book on marriage. The book looked brand new sitting on the self. Looking back, maybe that should have been a clue.
I didn't get very far before I was ready to put it down; however, after some contemplation I rather reluctantly picked it back up. I figured maybe it was just me. Maybe I was being too sensitive. Maybe I just wasn't getting it.
Around 3:30am this morning, I reached for my smartphone to search reviews of the book. While it had many glowing reviews, 4+ stars on most sites, I was happy to see that I wasn't the only one who was put off by it. There were other women, men, and marriage counselors who had some serious reservations.
While I agree that men and women communicate and process differently which is a big cause of misunderstanding and hurt in relationships, I feel the book overall has a very derogatory attitude toward women. You know, it's not what I'm saying, but women REALLY are the root of all evil. Husbands should not be held accountable for their actions since their actions are determined by how their wives treat them, or because their wives have intentionally let themselves go. It's REALLY all her fault.
In fact, one reviewer had marked and counted all the times women were blamed for a problem within marriage and when men were. I'll let you guess which column had the highest tally, by a lot. And, no, I did not go back and check the math. I didn't feel the need to.
My daughter does a comical impression of a man rubbing his big ole potbelly while commenting on his wife letting herself go. I wonder if the author would see her impression as an act of contempt. I would argue that my daughter understands double standards.
It especially did my heart good to read reviews from men, and there were quite a few, who found the book to be not only disrespectful toward women, but also insulting toward men. Those men didn't buy into the blame game, and were outraged by the idea that men have no self-control. That's the kind of man I want for a son-in-law, a man of integrity!
I was going to donate the book back to the thrift store, but I think I will relegate it to the recycle bin instead. While I believe there are very true and relevant points made throughout the book, it's honestly not something I would want my daughter or daughters-in-law to read. So, why would I put it out there for another woman to pick up.
The one thought that plagued me while reading still persists: the author must have some very deep-seated anger toward women. Staring at the book in front of me, I finally got it!. I know why the book had my shoulders and neck knotted with stress, a persistent frown on my face, and questioning if maybe it was just me. It was so obvious I couldn't see it. For a brief minute I was transported back in time reliving the verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse of past relationships. The perpetrator's subtle and at times not so subtle message is always the same. Don't look at me. The problem is REALLY you.
I am a big fan of self-improvement books. There are usually a few gems of advice, a new perspective, or insight to glean between the covers. Sitting in front of me is one such book I recently picked up at a thrift store. It's a popular book on marriage. The book looked brand new sitting on the self. Looking back, maybe that should have been a clue.
I didn't get very far before I was ready to put it down; however, after some contemplation I rather reluctantly picked it back up. I figured maybe it was just me. Maybe I was being too sensitive. Maybe I just wasn't getting it.
Around 3:30am this morning, I reached for my smartphone to search reviews of the book. While it had many glowing reviews, 4+ stars on most sites, I was happy to see that I wasn't the only one who was put off by it. There were other women, men, and marriage counselors who had some serious reservations.
While I agree that men and women communicate and process differently which is a big cause of misunderstanding and hurt in relationships, I feel the book overall has a very derogatory attitude toward women. You know, it's not what I'm saying, but women REALLY are the root of all evil. Husbands should not be held accountable for their actions since their actions are determined by how their wives treat them, or because their wives have intentionally let themselves go. It's REALLY all her fault.
In fact, one reviewer had marked and counted all the times women were blamed for a problem within marriage and when men were. I'll let you guess which column had the highest tally, by a lot. And, no, I did not go back and check the math. I didn't feel the need to.
My daughter does a comical impression of a man rubbing his big ole potbelly while commenting on his wife letting herself go. I wonder if the author would see her impression as an act of contempt. I would argue that my daughter understands double standards.
It especially did my heart good to read reviews from men, and there were quite a few, who found the book to be not only disrespectful toward women, but also insulting toward men. Those men didn't buy into the blame game, and were outraged by the idea that men have no self-control. That's the kind of man I want for a son-in-law, a man of integrity!
I was going to donate the book back to the thrift store, but I think I will relegate it to the recycle bin instead. While I believe there are very true and relevant points made throughout the book, it's honestly not something I would want my daughter or daughters-in-law to read. So, why would I put it out there for another woman to pick up.
The one thought that plagued me while reading still persists: the author must have some very deep-seated anger toward women. Staring at the book in front of me, I finally got it!. I know why the book had my shoulders and neck knotted with stress, a persistent frown on my face, and questioning if maybe it was just me. It was so obvious I couldn't see it. For a brief minute I was transported back in time reliving the verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse of past relationships. The perpetrator's subtle and at times not so subtle message is always the same. Don't look at me. The problem is REALLY you.
